I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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