My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize