paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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