I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
