so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
