note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
