Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize