I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
