My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
