You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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