and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
