I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
