He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
