There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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