i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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