non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
