he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Your penis caused this!
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