Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize