2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
