Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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