Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
