I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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