i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
