90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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