Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm sobbing to NWA
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
