i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
