That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
