I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just want nice things and good sex
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
