so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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