can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
