Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
