Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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