she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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