You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish you could order shots online.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
