Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
