So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
