Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
