I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
