in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
