Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
