If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
