I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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