made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
