I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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