sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
