You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
