Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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