life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
