Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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