My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Michael Bay diarrhea
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
