Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
