How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
