That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
