Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
