i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I love you. Go after that dick
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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