Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
