great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This is my gift to your gina
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
