Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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