garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
