Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
