last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
