Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
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