i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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