I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
and you fell through a lawn chair
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
