pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
