We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
