a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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