Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
