I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
