So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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