Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The uberlube is also flammable
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
