We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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