i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
