You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
