grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
