We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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