I looked at my own cervix.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
