Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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