For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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