Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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