Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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