good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
