i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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