Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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