Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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