Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
