This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
