You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
