Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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