The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
