my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
