i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
